AVGN III - Doomsday
by Alexneushoorn
Summary: The Angry Video Game Nerd is back, this time aided by his trusty sidekick, the Autistic Video Game Lad! Earth is being invaded by demons, and their beloved stuff has been stolen! Join the Nerd and the Lad as they slay demons to not only save Earth, but also recover their stolen stuff! Rated T for explicit language and violence.
1. At Doomsday's Gate

It was a beautiful day in the town of Fucksfield, USA. People were enjoying some nice cold beer and just generally minding their own business. Two of these people were the Angry Video Game Nerd and his new sidekick, the Autistic Video Game Lad. The two of them were passed out after a long night of playing shitty games in the Nerd Room. The Nerd was wearing his usual attire of a white button up shirt and a pair of khaki pants. The Lad was wearing a white t-shirt underneath a brown jacket with blue jeans and a brown fedora. He previously wore a black t-shirt, blue jeans and a black fedora until the Polybius Incident, after which the Lad switched to his current attire. The Nerd was passed out on the floor of the Nerd Room, holding an empty bottle of Rolling Rock in his right hand while holding an NES controller in his left hand. The Lad was passed out on the couch, holding an empty bottle of Rolling Rock in his left hand while holding an NES controller in his right hand.

However, as the Nerd and Lad were passed out in the Nerd Room, a portal in the sky opened, releasing many demons that began attacking the world and turned everything into a shitload of fuck. Someone has to save the day, and it's up to the Nerd and the Lad to do so.

Back in the Nerd Room, the Nerd and Lad woke up from the noise that was going on outside. "Ugh...What the fuck is going on outside?" The Nerd groaned as he sat up.

"How the fuck do I know? We were down here in the Nerd Room all night, asshole..." The Lad groaned as he sat up as well. The two of them then proceeded to walk towards the basement window and looked through it, seeing all the demons running amok.

"What...the...fuck?!" The Nerd exclaimed in shock.

"There's fucking demons all over the place!" The Lad exclaimed in shock.

"I'm not fucking blind, Lad!" The Nerd replied before two demons flew towards the basement window.

"Oh, shit! Oh, shit!" The Lad exclaimed before him and the Nerd ran to grab their signature weapons: The Zapper for the Nerd, and the Wii Shotgun for the Lad. They then shot the demons as they came through the basement window, destroying them.

"What the fuck was that all about?" The Nerd asked in shock.

"NEEEEEEEEEEERDS!" Two familiar voices exclaimed as they entered the Nerd Room: It was the Nostalgia Critic and his nephew, the Modern Critic! The Modern Critic wore a white t-shirt underneath a white denim jacket along with white jeans and a white cap on his head, and was equipped with a double barreled shotgun, which was his equivalent to the Nostalgia Critic's pistol.

"Critics! I thought you died sacrificing yourselves to Death Mwautzyx!" The Nerd exclaimed.

"How the fuck did you two come back to life?" The Lad asked.

"We used an infinite lives code to revive ourselves!" The Nostalgia Critic explained.

"And we're gonna be the ones who are gonna save the world from Doomsday! And to keep you busy and distracted from saving the world, we've stolen all of your shit and scattered it across the world!" The Modern Critic added.

"Doomsday? What the fuck are you talking about?" The Nerd asked.

"It was all foretold in a prophecy that demons would one day invade Earth and try to destroy all life as we know it! And we're gonna be the heroes who are gonna save Earth by destroying all the fucking demons!" The Modern Critic explained while laughing maniacally.

"You fucking idiot! You shouldn't be informing them of that! Now they're gonna try and save Earth and get all the glory themselves!" Nostalgia Critic angrily shouted at his nephew.

"Oh, go fuck yourself, Uncle Critic! It's called freedom of speech!" Modern Critic retorted.

"No matter! We will take care of things! And have fun trying to find your shit! That'll keep you busy!" Nostalgia Critic told the Nerd and Lad before him and Modern Critic beamed out of there.

The Nerd turned to the Lad. "Those assholes stole our shit! We gotta get it back!" He told the Lad.

"No shit! Let's try to take out as many demons as we possibly can along the way!" The Lad replied.

"Indeed. Let's get the fuck out there and try to put an end to this shit." The Nerd replied back before him and the Lad left their house to go save Earth from the invading demons and recover their stolen shit.

The Nerd and Lad ended up outside their home, before going to Downtown Fucksfield to stop the invading demons from attacking the town. The Nerd and Lad began gunning down humans who have been mutated into demons with their Zapper and Wii Shotgun, respectively. "What a terrible day to have a fucking demon invasion. Couldn't they have came here next week? Next month? Next year? Next decade? How about they never fucking came here?" The Nerd asked in annoyance.

"We can't always get it our way, Nerd. That's something I've learned from spending 13 years reviewing shitty games with you." The Lad replied.

"Yeah, it's like, what were they thinking?" The Nerd replied back before him and the Lad continued gunning down demons. Neither the Nerd or Lad appeared to be horrified by the horror revolving around them, as they kept a stern and alert glare as their eyes continously darted around, just like Doomguy in the original Doom game. The Lad, like the Nerd, was equally capable of violence, killing without remorse, which stems from the Lad being indifferent to bloodshed given his violent upbringing. They eventually ran into a huge Cacodemon in the middle of town square.

"Look! It's a Cacodemon from Doom!" The Lad exclaimed.

"Let's see if those bastards are just as easy to kill in real life as they are in the game!" The Nerd replied as him and the Lad began pumping any ammo they had left into the Cacodemon before it exploded into bloody pieces.

"Fuck yeah!" The Lad exclaimed with a menacing grin.

The Nerd had an equally menacing grin on his face. "That'll teach those Flying Fuckernauts or Astro Bastards of demons not to fuck with the fucking Nerd and the fucking Lad!" The Nerd replied before him and the Lad found an abandoned military jeep.

"Hey, look! An abandoned military jeep! And the owner left the keys in it!" The Lad pointed out.

"Hey, you're right. Let's take this thing and move on to the next area to continue slaying those assholes!" The Nerd suggested.

"Alright, I'm driving!" The Lad replied as he hopped into the driver's seat while the Nerd jumped into the truck, finding a Super Scope in there.

"I'm the lord of the harvest! Bring it down! Bring it down!" The Nerd yelled as the Lad started up the jeep and the two of them began driving out of there.


	2. A Critical Battle

The Nerd and Lad were driving through the Fucksville Outskirts in their military jeep, with the Lad driving and the Nerd sitting in the back. "Let's show those demon cocksuckers what we're made of, Lad." The Nerd told the Lad.

"Indeed, Nerd. Let's show those fuckers what us Doomslayers can do." The Lad replied before noticing a bunch of demons showing up to try and stop them. "Well, looks like there's a demon parade today." The Lad remarked.

"Keep driving, Lad. I'll take care of this." The Nerd replied as he began firing his Super Scope at the incoming demons, shooting them to bloody pieces.

"Say hello to my little friend!" The Nerd shouted as he fired his Super Scope at the demons.

"You guys make the Flying Fuckernauts and Astro Bastards look badass!" The Lad shouted at the demons as he kept driving.

"Even the Assholians from the planet Ass are more exciting than this shit!" The Nerd added as he kept firing away at the demons, trying to keep the demons from destroying the jeep.

"We can do this, Nerd! Just keep firing away, and I'll make sure not to stop for anything!" The Lad told the Nerd as he kept driving down the roads of the Fucksville Outskirts, with the Nerd taking out any demon who dared to get in their way.

Eventually, the two were ambushed by a large flying demon with horns and wings. "What...the...FUCK IS THAT THING?!" The Nerd asked in disbelief.

The demon laughed a demonic laugh. "Puny humans, you'll never defeat us mighty demons! If you wanna make it further than this, you'll have to get through me!" The demon told the Nerd and Lad.

"Looks like we'll have to beat this motherfucker to get by, Nerd." The Lad told the Nerd.

"You fucking think?" The Nerd replied as he began firing his Super Scope at the demon, pumping any lead he's got into it before eventually sending it to its doom with a shot to the head. "Welcome to die, motherfucker!" The Nerd told the demon after killing it.

"Fuck yeah! We got that assface!" The Lad exclaimed as he pumped his fist in excitement. He then drove into the next area, where he crashed the jeep into a roadblock, forcing the Nerd and Lad to jump out of the vehicle and continue on foot.

"Shit, Nerd! I'm sorry!" The Lad told the Nerd.

"It's fine, Lad. Shit happens." The Nerd replied as him and the Lad went through Fucksville Meadows, continuing to kill demons along the way with their weapons. They soon found a secret area where two of the Nerd and Lad's items were stashed: The Nerd's Glove of Power and the Lad's Magnet Gloves. The Nerd's Glove of Power allowed the Nerd to break blocks and deal great damage to enemies.

The Lad's Magnet Gloves, on the other hand allowed the Lad to scale certain walls to reach certain items and deal great damage to enemies. "Fuck yeah! We got some of our stuff back!" The Lad exclaimed in satisfaction.

"That is fucking awesome!" The Nerd exclaimed in satisfaction as well. The Nerd and Lad continued making their way through Fucksville Meadows, slaying any demons they saw along the way before eventually making it to a lake in the middle of Fucksfield Meadows.

"NEEEEEERD! LAAAAAAD!" A familiar voice exclaimed as the Nostalgia Critic dropped out of the sky and onto the ground in front of the Nerd and the Lad.

"Critic! Where the fuck is your nephew?" The Nerd asked.

"He's currently out slaying demons by himself to prove that he's better than the Lad will ever be! Glory will be his! And mine as well!" The Nostalgia Critic replied.

"Motherfucker, I will make you regret saying that!" The Lad shouted, offended by the Nostalgia Critic's words as him and the Nerd began pumping NES Zapper lead and Wii Shotgun lead into the Nostalgia Critic, killing him. "You think that's the last we'll see of him?" The Lad asked the Nerd.

"Knowing him and the infinite amount of lives he has, he'll come back sooner or later. Same goes for his punk ass nephew." The Nerd replied.

"Yeah, that makes a lot of fucking sense. Let's get the fuck out of here." The Lad replied as him and the Nerd moved on to the next area.


	3. Dilly-Clyntin-Dallying Around

The Nerd and Lad soon arrived in Fucksville Forest, where they continued slaying demons. "Where the fuck do these assholes come from?" The Lad questioned as he continued pumping Wii Shotgun lead into the demons.

"I don't know, Lad. All I know is we gotta clear out every single one of these demon scum and get our shit back." The Nerd replied to the Lad as he continued pumping NES Zapper lead into the demons. The Nerd then proceeded to pick up a Super Scope. "I'm the Lord of the Harvest! Bring it down! Bring it down!" The Nerd exclaimed as he began obliterating demons with the Super Scope.

The Lad then proceeded to pick up a Wii Minigun. "Say hello to my little friend!" The Lad exclaimed as tore the demons to shreds with the Wii Minigun. The Nerd and Lad soon arrived at an abandoned manor that was standing in the middle of Fucksville Forest.

"An abandoned manor, huh? I got a pretty fucking bad feeling about this..." The Nerd said in an uneasy tone.

"For all we know, it could be similar to that abandoned Jedi Temple on Kessel in that Famicom Star Wars game we played back in 2011." The Lad replied to him.

"Oh, that building was an abandoned Jedi Temple?" The Nerd asked the Lad.

"Yeah. And at the top of the building, there's another Darth Vader waiting, and once you damage that Vader enough, he'll turn into a pterosaur." The Lad told the Nerd.

"Oh, so there's more Darth Vaders that turn into strange creatures in that shitty fucking game?" The Nerd asked again.

"Yep. That's what the fans have been telling us, at least. But I can't be bothered to play that shitty fucking game again to find out what other fake Vaders there are in the game. Anyway, let's enter this fucking manor and find out what awaits us in here." The Lad said as him and the Nerd entered the abandoned manor.

Inside, the Nerd and Lad began combating more demons, including demonic birds and hounds. "They got demonic birds and hounds too?" The Nerd asked.

"Apparently so." The Lad replied as him and the Nerd continued combating the demons and made their way up to the top of the mansion. Once they got to the top of the mansion, they found the astro-demonoid Dill Clyntin, which was the floating disembodied head of former US president Bill Clinton.

"What...the...FUCK IS THAT THING?!" The Lad asked in shock as he pointed at Dill Clyntin.

"I am the astro-demonoid Dill Clyntin. I have been ordered by the demons of Hell to kill you two, so this is where your journey ends." Dill Clyntin told the Nerd and Lad.

"To Hell with that! We're gonna fuck you up!" The Nerd told him as he drew his NES Zapper and the Lad drew his Wii Shotgun. They then began combating Dill Clyntin, who flew around the room shooting fireballs at the Nerd and Lad and swooped down to attack them. Eventually, though, the Nerd and Lad managed to finish off Dill Clyntin as he exploded and sank through the ground like the bosses in AVGN Adventures and AVGN II: ASSimilation did.

The Nerd and Lad took a moment to catch their breath. "Man...At least that asshole won't be messing with us anymore..." The Lad remarked.

"Damn right. Now let's get the fuck out of here and move on to the next area." The Nerd replied. Just as him and the Lad were about to leave, they were awarded with new weapons.

"Oh, look at that! We got new weapons!" The Lad exclaimed with a grin.

The Nerd grinned at that as well. "Kick-fucking-ass! Life is kinda cool sometimes." He remarked as him and the Lad picked up their new weapons. The Nerd had received the Asssault Rifle from Halo while the Lad had received a pair of Dual Laser Machine Pistols. They then proceeded to leave the abandoned mansion as they went on to the next area: Sega Highway.

As the Nerd and Lad arrived at Sega Highway, they arrived at the first stage of Sega Highway: Truck Stop Trouble. The Nerd and Lad looked at all traffic that was speeding down Sega Highway. "Fuck...How are we gonna get across this highway?" The Nerd questioned.

"I don't know." The Lad replied. Suddenly, the tough looking trucker Nerd, Mr. Rigs and the tough looking trucker Lad, Rigs Jr. drove up to the Nerd and Lad in their Big Rig from Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing.

"Hey, Nerd! Hey, Lad! Do you need a ride across this highway?" Mr. Rigs asked the Nerd and Lad.

"As a matter of fact, we do." The Lad nodded.

"Well, strap yourself in for some action packed racing and get your fucking asses on the top of our fucking truck! We're gonna speed through traffic like it's 1998!" Rigs Jr. exclaimed.

"Yeah, and if that ain't action packed racing, my name ain't Rex Viper Rigs!" Mr. Rigs added.

"And my name ain't Max Adder Rigs either!" Rigs Jr. added.

"Well, what the fuck are we standing around here for? Let's get the fuck on that truck!" The Nerd exclaimed as him and the Lad jumped on top of the Big Rig and Mr. Rigs and Rigs Jr. drove off.

"You better watch out, Nerd and Lad! There's a bunch of fucking demons ready to swoop down and kill your asses within moments!" Mr. Rigs warned the Nerd and Lad.

"Yeah, so you better get ready to pump a shitload of lead into 'em!" Rigs Jr. added.

"Thanks for the warning, because we can already see a parade of demons coming for us, and they don't look happy to see us!" The Lad replied.

"Let's blast those fuckers to pieces then!" The Nerd replied as him and the Lad began pumping lead from their new weapons into the demons. Meanwhile, Mr. Rigs and Rigs Jr. drove their Big Rig through traffic, as it proceeded to pass through all of the other cars on the highway.

"Damn! Even in real life, those Big Rigs pass through everything!" The Nerd remarked.

"Damn fucking right! Our truck's engine's equipped with quantum phasing molecular mechanics so as to not interrupt our racing experience! Nothing stands in our way!" Rigs Jr. replied.

"That's nice." The Lad nodded as him and the Nerd continued pumping lead into the demons.

"By the way, thanks for filming that Life Of Black Tiger commercial with Fred Fucks for us! Business at Fucholand is booming thanks to the massive sales of Life Of Black Tiger!" Mr. Rigs told the Nerd and Lad.

"You're welcome, I guess." The Nerd replied as he continued blasting demons to bloody pieces alongside the Lad. Soon, all of the demons were dead.

"Alright, I think that was all of the demons they could throw at us!" The Lad remarked.

"Great job, guys! Now let's get the fuck out of here!" Rigs Jr. replied as him, Mr. Rigs, the Nerd and the Lad drove off into the night with their Big Rig.


End file.
